And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
