all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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