Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize