Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your cock deserves a montage
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
