in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
worst night to have a conscience
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
