Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
