Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
