I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
