Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
