So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
