we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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