Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
