Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
