Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
