If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
