I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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