apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
