do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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