there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
