I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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