no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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