nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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