Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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