No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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