Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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