I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize