we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Everything about him screamed your future.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
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