Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
