i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
