Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize