all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
