I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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