i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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