the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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