you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
