Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
