i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
