Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
