my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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