she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize