i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
