so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
