Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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