I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
