now i know why i became what i already was.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
