A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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