If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
