You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
honey bunches of taint.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
