i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
