My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
