If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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