Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
