You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize