Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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