operation harelip BJ is a go
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
