man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
