Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i think my cat just said my name.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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