So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Randomize
