You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
