i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize