you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize