He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
