farters have to be the big spoon...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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