Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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