Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
