Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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