you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize