FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
