It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drake has all the answers
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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