The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
