The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
