I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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