Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
