fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Floor bacon is actually really good
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
