im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
