It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize