also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
this beer tastes like vomit already
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
