My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
