Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
