Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize