Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need a beard to bite.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
