i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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