so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i've created a new STD.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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