I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
