bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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