His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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