i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize