Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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