I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
