That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
