just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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