Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
