please come you make the beer taste better
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
