I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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