: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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