u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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