Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
