I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
