billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
