my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize