we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
