I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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